“It’s all illusion”

# # Ships Log: HvCFT Singularity : Personal Log
# # Date: December 5th, 2006
# # Log by WiredNight, Computer Systems Manager

They say the Matrix isn’t real. That it is all an illusion designed to control the bluepills.

Sometimes I wonder what is real and what illusion is though.

There is illusion that all is right as rain, to steal a quote, here on the Singularity. Reality is something different.

There is an undercurrent of tension here upon the hover barge and its troubling. There is no doubt about who is the cause, but that as so much on in this place, is illusion.

Certain people do indeed have troubles, large troubles, troubles that so many don’t nor could they ever truly understand, but that is only the catalyst to the situation. Truthfully, the troubles lie much deeper. They fear what they don’t understand, and hold that which they could never obtain in awe. They seek to protect what they love, and yet desire to ignore that which could harm that same thing.

I must admit, I find myself falling into the same trap that they are, which is funny. I wasn’t here when this happened, I was still a member of the EPN, and yet hearing the stories now and reading the files and seeing things no person should ever see, I find myself falling into the same trap they all are falling in.

Stick my head in the sand, and if I can’t see it, there must not be a problem.

So why do I find myself angry now. Maybe its because I wasn’t here when it happened, but the latest episode has worried me. I’m told it has nothing to do with what I think it is, but with the Cypherites.

Bullshit.

Everything is connected, and if something weakens a bridge’s stability, and something else comes along, it just weakens it further; it doesn’t make it any less weak.

I was wrong with my initial prognosis. It’s not insanity, no its not, its trouble. It’s the kind of trouble you can smell in the air, and feel in your bones coming down the pike. And we’ve all ignored it.

I’ve been warned. To act would get me killed; I’d be beaten to death. Just ignore it and let the Captain take his time and do his thing.

But I’m supposed to place my life in my crewmates’ hands and trust all of them explicitly. And I find as more and more happens, I trust none of them. None to act, none to fix the problem.

What worries me the most is I’ve been avoiding them, avoiding them all. I can’t trust them. If they can’t fix that which is broken and effects them the most, how can I trust them to fix things that need to be fixed, and yet are not immediate. How can I trust them to help me if I need help, when they won’t help another crew mate in need, and won’t let me help that crew mate?

And if its true that for me to act, for me to confront the catalyst will cause my death, then perhaps the catalyst is a liability, and needs to be removed…permanently. Its what we would do in the Matrix, and while I respect the catalyst, more then any know, I won’t let it jeopardize my mission, the mission I was told the entire Society follows.

And yet I’m supposed to trust them, trust them all with question without doubt. So I jack in only at off times, when I know no one else will be jacked in. I sneak between my work centers, and work off hours, and when I am forced to see those I can’t avoid, locked as I am to such a small barge and as ships cook, I give them the illusion that all is right as rain, and I give them a cookie, and tell them to be on their way. Reality, reality is something else entirely.

## End Log