The Dream

## Ships log: HvCFT Singularity: Personal Entry
 ## Date: October 29, 2006
 ## Log by: Pilot Bittype

Again I am awake, sweating, shivering. The dreams are constant now. A week ago I could barely remember the dreams: just impressions, vague and disjointed. Now… Now I remember, now I feel, and see. I remember.

*          *          *

I recognize the virus, I have seen it before, I’ve used it before, I know what it is going to do. I don’t have time to explain to the Captain, I have to act and act soon. Hanz is at his station ready for take off. Without thinking I charge him, he turns; begins to stand and I see the surprise on his face as I plough into him. I see him loose his balance, he begins to fall, and it is strange he seems to be moving in slow motion as his head hits the bulkhead. I check... and he is alive, then I move; still too slow it seems, but I move. I isolate part of the virus in a subsystem, lock it down and set up an override to my Jack in couch. Now I reconfigure the Jack in couches; making the necessary connections. I move to his station and pull the program out of my personal file. It’s not ready but there is nothing else to try. With a final keystroke I run it, turn and disconnect the final linkages to the mainframe. Time is running out, the virus is spreading fast: I can see the telltale signs, systems are beginning to fail as the virus looks for a way into the mainframe. I hit the override on my couch, releasing the isolated part of the virus -It will have mutated, I just hope it is enough to give me time- then settle myself. It’s not easy to jack in without help; the cranial jack is hard to insert. Then it’s in: mathematical equations flood my mind. Explosions of pure mathematics, I am drowning, fighting to breath, water that is not water flooding my lungs. I am loosing myself, I can feel my mind slipping away. My mind is trying to make sense of the information being fed to it from Singularity’s systems: equations, mathematics; I am not a mathematician, not a programmer, I don’t understand what it all means, I have failed. The crew are going to die, because I failed; I failed my friend, my only friend. Memories fill my thoughts... bluepill memories. All the beatings from so called boyfriends. I am a failure, I always have been, maybe I deserved the beatings, maybe… New memories forgotten, suppressed: I am in the real, I am flying… No, not flying, I am being held, held in the appendages of a sentinel: being carried, carried where? A city... a city of metal... a city of machines. It’s beautiful… A woman smiling down at me, I am in a medical facility. She seems friendly, friendly...? Friend, she is my friend. Bilquis, my only friend. I am confused, where am I? What is happening to me?

The face, Bilquis my friend, equations, mathematics, the virus, I remember, Hanz, the couch, the virus… NOOOOOO!

Rage fills me. Rage... there is nothing but rage. My friend, I will NOT fail her. Rage builds upon rage. The heat of rage builds within me... the equations, the mathematics; I see it, I feel it... they shrink away from the rage. I fan the flames, build upon the rage. There seems to be light around me: orange, red, yellow, flames, the flames of rage. I stoke the fire, make it, FORCE it to burn hotter, brighter. Then the equations and mathematics are gone… No not gone... They are still there, at the edge of my mind I feel them, but they seem different now, then I see… I see the real, I see the crew, I see Hanz beginning to stir. I see through many eyes. I am confused... is this real?

Then I know: the eyes are Singularity’s sensors, visual pickups inside and outside on the hull. We need to take off, need to get to Zero One. I sense a stirring from the equations. I look: they are no longer just equations, but code. Some of it I can understand, and know what it does; some of it is agitated, almost angry. The virus… It’s getting close, I need to disconnect from the mainframe. I concentrate on power relays, breakers, the equations. The code obeys I sense, feel the surge of power through subsystems. The agitated code is gone, I know I just caused the final links to the mainframe to blow out. I am alone. I am Singularity, and I am alone.

No, wait I am not alone. I still see, if I can see maybe I can hear. Even as I think it, some of the equations break from the mass; change. Then I can hear. I hear everything; the rush of sound overwhelms me: outside, inside, sound all around. I try to cover my ears, but I have none. I am here, where, I have no RSI, I am just here. Suddenly I understand Rush’s construct, why he uses it. It gives his mind something tangible. I build quickly roughly, I still have no RSI but I have screens: I see the code on them. Now I am a ghost, not solid, but a physical form none the less... something for my mind to associate with. Now I can cover my ears: the sound dies down. I focus, concentrate on what I want to hear. That’s better.

Not much time left... Most of the systems are down, the ship is dieing. I am all that keeps it alive. I concentrate, I need to get the crew home, I have to save my friend. I know now... I know the virus was for her. I failed them, I abandoned my mission to kill her. I can’t kill my friend, my only friend. The virus was meant to kill her and the crew. Kill them and punish me. They knew I would recognize the virus, they meant for me to die, knowing I could not save them. NOOO! I WON’T LET IT HAPPEN! I feel the rage growing again, but something else: heat. In the pit of my stomach I feel heat. I am confused again, the rage begins to fade and so does the strange heat. I notice some of the equations; I understand them to be related to the reactor. What does it mean? I begin to get frustrated, angry. Again the heat in my stomach rises. This time I see the equations change... heat, stomach, reactor… I understand… My mind is trying to make sense of something it can not understand; it is equating ships functions with the functions of my body. Rage… Rage is with me all the time; I have no shortage of that. Slowly I pull down the walls I have erected over the years. Rage, pure and un-tempered boils into my system, adrenalin floods my bloodstream, the heat in my stomach rises. I understand the reactor is powering up, we need to take off… How? How could my mind interpret that? Movement is simple: it would be walking or running, but flying? I feel like I am lying down, for a moment I forget where I am, without thinking I try to stand and pace as is my habit… Tingling, I feel tingling all over my body. I freeze. What?

I see, the ship’s sensors are my eyes. I see the glow from the hoverpads on the ship’s hull. My hull, my body. I am under power, I can fly like this, and the ship will fly. I am beginning to understand, but not completely, not enough. I need to talk. I can hear and see, but I need to talk, but to who? How? Rush. Rush is the one, he will understand, but how do I do it. As I think about it, the screens in my vague virtual world come alive with schematics. I can see the power relays and electronic switches. I concentrate on them and they begin to trip, and re route power to the communications array. Something feels wrong, out of kilter… I am loosing control of the hoverpads, too many things to concentrate on. I can’t do this… I can’t… NO! I MUST! This is no different to being at my station! I am aware of everything. I need to be there, I can do it here too, I have to. I breathe deeply and focus. Strange, the air flow aboard the ship seems to increase. I breath deeply again. Through the visual pickups in the jacking bay I see Hanz’s hair stir. My lungs must control air circulation. He is groggy but waking up. Good, he’ll be ok… Stop it! No time for that girl, you have to focus! The crew will have to take care of themselves.

How long have I been here? Five minutes? Ten? Twenty? I have no idea… There, the relays are ready, but I need to be in the air for a clear signal. I am out of time, so many things in my mind, so much information. It is making me dizzy. I think, I trigger the mental impulses that would normally make me stand. YES; the hoverpads are coming up to full power... Singularity is lifting…

I can see the crew on the command deck. I see the Captain move, hear him, hear them.

“What the...!?”

I see M4rb leap from his chair, to my station, slapping at the controls, trying to stop the ship, “Bit where the hell are you? We’re moving!”

I try to focus on the command deck; try to activate voice comm., Noooo, too much, too many systems. I feel the ship lurch, I struggle to gain control, I see the Captain used shipwide. I spare a thought, the schematics in my little world change; and shipwide is locked open.

“It’s ok Captain, my baby is under control.” My voice… It sounds wrong strained, but I hear it from every part of the ship. I am getting dizzy again.

I hear Polo’s voice, “Captain. I am getting a power reading from Bit’s Jack in couch; it’s not a clear signal though; almost as if the reading is not coming via the mainframe but through secondary systems.”

Too many systems…Sooooo much to control. I am afraid, afraid I will fail; afraid I will kill them all. NO! I am screaming at myself locked in my own mind, I MUST focus.

I can see Hanz checking his station. His legs collapse under him, the blow must have been harder than I thought.

“Sorry Captain, if I had told you what I planned you would never have allowed it… Hanz should be ok… I didn’t hit him too hard.”

“Bit, what the hell are you doing?” I can hear the Captain’s voice, I can hear his fear.

Too many systems. I have to concentrate harder, I have to focus.

I can feel my control slipping, desperately I turn to face Zero One. I want to run, run as fast as I can. I feel the ship, the reactor, the hoverpads respond. Adrenalin is flooding my system, the heat in my stomach is intense. I know the reactor is redlined; giving out all the power it can. I push harder, I need more power, more speed. Finally I sense the Zero One comm. Beacon. Without thinking I send out a burst signal coded for Rush. I don’t have time to think anymore, so many systems, so much to do, to control, to regulate.

“Sorry Captain… I am a little… Busy.” My voice sounds strange, weak, and distant.